Perfect Pitch: Adam Sass' Query for Surrender Your Sons!
I can’t believe Surrender Your Sons is almost (or is, depending on when you’re reading this post and if I remember to update it) out.
Adam originally pitched me this stunning novel in 2016, and while I loved what I read, it didn’t feel quite ready. He’s talked about this, how there used to be magic and superpowers in this YA contemporary thriller / horror novel. I’d told him how eager I’d be to read anything else he wrote, and he remembered.
Two years later, he followed up, with a wildly revised book and an entirely different query letter. If you’re curious about that ORIGINAL pitch from 2016, maybe tune in to Adam’s virtual book tour when we chat about it on September 21st.
And now here we are, two starred reviews later and a ton of acclaim from beloved authors, Surrender Your Sons is ready to make a splash.
But how did it get here? Well, let’s dig into that query letter. And remember, if you found this helpful, please order a copy of Surrender Your Sons, which is also available on audio!
Hey Eric!
It's been so wonderful following you and Nena the last few years and seeing you guys grow your family. Similarly, I can't tell you how much your support has meant to me personally. As a total shot in the dark, I thought I would poke in to see if you would be interested in my latest manuscript. It's SURRENDER YOUR SONS, the one you passed on, but I spent a year putting it through a major gut renovation both in content and genre. Rewritten from scratch, there is no longer any fantasy elements and it's fully a contemporary mystery/thriller, complete at 88,000 words.
Sixteen-year-old Connor Major knows his mouth gets him into trouble, but he can’t help it. After a disastrous coming out, he spends his summer verbally sparring with his religious zealot mother, eventually costing him his phone, his boyfriend, and his freedom.
But his nightmare is only beginning.
At his mother’s request, masked men abduct Connor and drop him onto a secluded island—a gay conversion therapy camp called Nightlight. As Connor hunts for ways to escape the island and resist the sadistic program, he discovers Nightlight’s connection to an unspeakable hate crime that’s remained unsolved for over 20 years. It’s a good thing Connor enjoys a bit of troublemaking because the treacherous staff and suspicious campers of Nightlight Ministries won’t give up their secrets without a fight.
An escape-from-the-jungle story reminiscent of LOST, this adventure is LAST SEEN LEAVING meets MORE HAPPY THAN NOT.
A 2016 Pitch Wars mentee, I also had a short story “98% Graves” appear in the anthology STARTLING SCI-FI: NEW TALES OF THE BEYOND (New Lit Salon Press, 2015), which was nominated for Best Science Fiction Story by Writer’s Digest. On the non-fiction side, my writing has appeared in USA Today and the LA Times. In my day job, I research and write content for ATTN:, an issues-driven social media video creator. With an emphasis on LGBTQ issues, I’ve scripted videos for our clients Samsung and T-Mobile.
Thank you so much for your time and consideration!
Sincerely,
Adam Sass
So there’s a lot of stuff here Adam does so VERY right. Let’s talk about them, and why this pitch is so perfect.
Following Up & Circling Back: First, let’s talk about following up. I get asked about this a lot in my agent life, when it’s okay, if you ever should, etc. Listen. So much of an agent’s job is following up with editors, so believe me when I tell you, no one is going to be furious with you for sending a followup nudge. To see if they might want to see a revised version of a manuscript, or if they’ve had a chance to look at a manuscript… these things are welcome.
It’s up to you, as the author, to judge whether or not you should be circling back though. Did the agent seem excited about you and the work? Was it just a form rejection? Gauge whether or not the interest is there. You don’t want to waste your time, after-all.
I’d told Adam I was a fan, that I was eager to see what he was working on next, so his followup was WILDLY welcome. He even replied to the old, two-year-old email exchange we’d had. I requested the manuscript immediately.
Personalization: Me and my family followed Adam on social media for a while. My wife is a big fan, long before he had a book out and about. So his friendly note about us was totally appropriate. We had an established relationship online! He also mentions the invitation to send the book back. Perfect.
Comparative Titles: His comps to Caleb and Adam’s books are perfect, as that’s exactly what this book is, and that nod to Lost was excellent. It captures the tone and feel of the book, from the darkness to the surprise humor, entirely. It also helps that I’m a massive fan of Last Seen Leaving and that More Happy Than Not is one of my favorite YA novels of all time.
The “Book” Section: His jacket-esque copy describing the book is perfect. Three paragraphs. Nice and simple, right to the core of the story.
A perfect query letter, for what I think is a perfect book. I can’t wait for more of you to read it.
Remember, if this query letter share was helpful, order a copy of Surrender Your Sons! Or ask your library to stock it! Support a debut author, in these weird times.