Perfect Pitch: Helen Corcoran's Query for Queen of Coin and Whispers
In the coming days, Helen Corcoran’s debut, Queen of Coin and Whispers, will be making its way onto bookshelves everywhere. A beautiful, sweeping fantasy novel packed full of political intrigue and slow burn romance, it’s a F/F YA fantasy that just captured my whole heart.
But, as wild as this might sound, it was initially a wildly reluctant pass.
I know, gasps all around. I’d love Helen’s book something terrible, but I wasn’t sure if I was the right agent to help edit it. The slow burn romance, the intense politics, I loved it all, but I wasn’t sure if I had the skill to help Helen touch it up. So I wished her lots of luck, made some agent recommendations (because we do that), and beat myself up over it for days.
A few months later, Helen circled back, with a potential deal offer in hand, and asked if I’d like to be on board to help her through it. She knew I’d loved the book. We’d talked before, there was another book she was working on that I was excited to check out. It made sense.
So, I joined Helen’s team. Signing with an agent during or after a deal happens a lot more than people think, and we should talk about that more!
Anyhow! There are a few things you can learn here in this query, particularly how to follow up on a pitch after a Twitter pitch event (Helen’s pitch was one I favorited during Beth Phelen’s excellent #DVpit event).
Let’s dig in, and please, if you find this helpful, be sure to get a copy of Helen’s stunning novel. It is something very special.
Dear Mr. Smith,
Kat Cho, my friend and CP, recently asked on my behalf if I could query you after both you and another colleague favourited my DVpit pitch ("Xania became the new royal spymaster to find her father's murderer. When she falls for her queen, choices must change": https://twitter.com/hcor/status/722427227170693121). Thank you for agreeing to consider it. THE QUEEN OF COIN AND WHISPERS is YA fantasy, complete at 99,000 words with LGBTQ+ characters.
Eighteen-year-old Lia won’t mourn her uncle. The idiot’s left her a bankrupt kingdom considered easy pickings by its neighbours. She’s sworn to be a better ruler, but loyalty is bought and lost with coin she doesn’t have. If she wants to push through her reforms, she needs to beat the Court at its own manipulation games.
Xania is biding her time. For years, she’s been building the skills to uncover her father's murderer. The change in power provides her with the perfect opportunity when Lia gives her a choice: become the new spymaster, with the full force of royal power to fuel her vengeance, or take a one way trip to the executioner’s axe. It’s an easy decision.
When Lia and Xania fall for each other, their love complicates Lia’s responsibility to marry for an heir, and threatens Xania’s precarious Court status. As they're drawn together amid a deluge of royal suitors and new diplomats, they uncover treason that could not only end Lia’s reign, but ruin their weakened country.
They’ve been driven by idealism and vengeance for years, but Lia discovers it's easier to rule through cruelty than kindness, and Xania must decide if she can accept the darker aspects of loving a Queen. They’re not only in danger of turning into people they despise: they must decide how much they’re willing to sacrifice for each other.
THE QUEEN OF COIN AND WHISPERS would appeal to readers who enjoyed the politics and intrigue of Marie Rutkoski's THE WINNER'S CURSE trilogy and Kristin Cashore's complex female characters. I'm a bookseller, with a focus on Children's and YA for over six years. Along with the Pikes Peak Writers Conference, I've previously attended the Backspace Writers Conference. As per your submission guidelines, I've attached the first fifty pages of the manuscript. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Kind regards,
Helen Corcoran
http://helencorcoran.com
Twitter: @hcor
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So there’s a lot in this query to love, one of the many reasons I couldn’t wait to read it. And Helen does some specific things here that I get a lot of questions about. So! Let’s discuss.
Referrals: I’ve been closed to queries before, once due to having a baby, another time due to moving. So you know, major life events and all. But often times when I’m closed, I’ll still say I’ll look at referrals. If you’re friends with a writer or an industry person I’m pals with, I’ll take a look at something if they make a recommendation. Sure.
I can’t help but hammer this home though… only do this if you’re actually friends with that person? In my writer life, a lot of people I don’t know will often reach out for recs to MY agent, or will ask me for recs to other agents… and if I don’t know you and I’m not familiar with your work, I’m not going to do it.
Helen nails the referral here. Kat’s a writer I’m super familiar with. We’re friends. I listen to her podcast (which didn’t exist then, but you should subscribe to it now).
Following Up After an Event: Mixed into the query here, is Helen’s followup regarding DVpit, where I favorited her tweet. This kind of followup works whether it’s an online event OR an in-person pitch. Bring up where the agent will remember you from. Make sure you do it. Especially after a conference, when we are meeting like a hundred people in a weekend.
And now, the core part of the query letter, in the classic hook, book, cook, breakdown.
Hook: Right out the gate, Helen hits us with the word count, genre, category, title, and gives me a glimpse of the characters. "THE QUEEN OF COIN AND WHISPERS is YA fantasy, complete at 99,000 words with LGBTQ+ characters.” As an agent actively looking for inclusive YA, this opening hook nailed it.
The comp-title section, which I generally like to see in those hooks, is dished at the end, which is also fine! And her comps are flawless. When you read this book, you’ll see.
Book: We get a nice four paragraph breakdown of the story, summed up in what feels like perfect jacket copy.
Cook: And boom, Helen talks about herself! Bookseller! Conferences she’s gone to! Perfection.
And there you go.