My neighbor in Queen Village has quite the setup in front of his house. Daffodils (above), little bushes in pots, even a tree poking out from the sidewalk. Me? There’s a discarded pair of underwear near my steps that have been there for about a month, and some dead leaves. I decided it was time… time for a change.

I was pretty psyched about my recent purchase at Ikea. Two enormous Terra cotta pots, in which I could plant a number of things. Two small trees, maybe some assorted flowers, perhaps a shrubbery and… another shrubbery! Unfortunately, in my quest to purchase plants, the conversation was always the same.

Ikea Employee: Nope, no dirt here.
Me: But you sell plants… and the pots… and there’s trees over…
Ikea Employee: I said no dirt! Besides, it’s like, out of season.

Target Employee: Nope, dirt is out of season.
Me: Out… out of season?
Target Employee: Yup, you can’t get dirt nowheres these days.

Hipster Looking Whole Foods Employee: Can I help you?
Me: Yeah, don’t you guys carry topsoil for the plants you sell outside?
Hipster Looking Whole Foods Employee: Sure do, but it’s out of season.

Out of season? What the hell! If you hear about a guy getting arrested in Fairmount Park, digging up some topsoil… blame Ikea, Target, and Whole Foods.

Dear Thief in Queen Village,

You stole the decoration off my front door. A bronze fleur de li costs like, $15 at Ikea and is probably worth less. Good luck hocking it on Craigslist. Idiot.

Sincerely,

Eric Smith

So I guess I’m pretty spoiled. I’ve never been to a laundromat. Ever. When I was an undergrad, living on campus at Ramapo, I did all my laundry inside our lobby, where I’d often forget about it and come back DAYS later. Seriously. Days.

All the places I’ve lived in have all had a washer and dryer, but unfortunately, my house in Queen Village, lacks just that. So this weekend (during a delicious lunch with Lex), I went on a little adventure, once I realized I could no longer get away with Febreezing my t-shirts.

Strike one. I was deeply concerned with the lack of watter. Perhaps, this was not the laundromat for me…

Dammit! This is outrageous. I won’t clean my clothes here again, no sir. You mean to tell me I can’t use this washer as an amusement ride AND I can’t put my cat inside? Preposterous!

It amazes me that people really need this sort of warning. Is it seriously that tempting to go inside? *sigh* I suppose people still end up doing these things, which is why we need painfully obvious warning labels.

All in all, I’ll be back to the laundromat down the street from my house. The people there didn’t laugh at me when I asked how long I should put my clothes in the dryer for. I did hear several chuckles from patrons who watched my quarters spill all over the floor at the change machine, scattering across the floor. Those coins just fly out man.

Where’s the warning label on THAT?