My neighbor in Queen Village has quite the setup in front of his house. Daffodils (above), little bushes in pots, even a tree poking out from the sidewalk. Me? There’s a discarded pair of underwear near my steps that have been there for about a month, and some dead leaves. I decided it was time… time for a change.
I was pretty psyched about my recent purchase at Ikea. Two enormous Terra cotta pots, in which I could plant a number of things. Two small trees, maybe some assorted flowers, perhaps a shrubbery and… another shrubbery! Unfortunately, in my quest to purchase plants, the conversation was always the same.
Ikea Employee: Nope, no dirt here.
Me: But you sell plants… and the pots… and there’s trees over…
Ikea Employee: I said no dirt! Besides, it’s like, out of season.
Target Employee: Nope, dirt is out of season.
Me: Out… out of season?
Target Employee: Yup, you can’t get dirt nowheres these days.
Hipster Looking Whole Foods Employee: Can I help you?
Me: Yeah, don’t you guys carry topsoil for the plants you sell outside?
Hipster Looking Whole Foods Employee: Sure do, but it’s out of season.
Out of season? What the hell! If you hear about a guy getting arrested in Fairmount Park, digging up some topsoil… blame Ikea, Target, and Whole Foods.
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If you’re willing to overpay — actually, I’m not sure what dirt should cost — Market Blooms at Reading Terminal sells dirt. Or it did, back in… the fall.
Who knew there was a season for dirt? Hilarious.