Four and five star hotels are so last year. The new chic thing to do, is to stay inside a two star dive. A romantic hole in the wall. Last night, I partied something ridiculous with Cynthia, her roomie Ginny, and some cool new people I’ve met through out the week. So behold, the checklist that explains why this last night was fantastic.

You know you had an awesome night when…

1. Your pal accidentally invites a prostitute back to the hotel, who then proceeds to grasp him by his balls, and, in a loud whisper, says “so, do you want to get some ass tonight?” Please note: I toned down the language in that quote.

2. At four in the morning, you’re awakened by extremely loud screams for help. Upon opening the door to your hotel room, you discover a man that’s just been maced in the face, stumbling around outside your door. Awesome.

3. A pimp shows up to your party and just hangs out.

4. You take a ‘booze cruise’ with your new friends, and while sipping on mai tais and Budweisers, have a good time laughing at the elderly couple who were expecting a romantic private dinner. A dozen drunken 20-something-year-olds later, they realized their mistake. Sorry guys.

5. You wake up with “I Heart Balls” written across your face and forehead. Thanks for only doing that in eyeliner guys instead of permanent marker, otherwise the plane ride home would have been quite interesting.

Hopping the plane home tonight. Back on the east coast tomorrow night.